I don't know how to describe my emotions right now. mixed. :(
kahapon, monday, pumunta ako ng school to enlist and supposedly to have an assessment of my subjects for my last tri. some things are just not really gonna be in your will. wether i like it or not, i have to accept things as they happen.
so, aun nga. nalaman ko na meron pa akong 3 subject na hindi na-credit. by the way, transferee ako from FEU-EAC. aun.. nalaman ko sa evlauation form ko. nung nakita ko un, parang gusto kong maglaho bigla. bakit ganun? bakit ngayon pa na graduating na ako? hahay.
hindi ako nakapag-enlist. hindi ako nakapag-assess. hindi pa ako enrolled.
parang ang malas malas nga ng dating e. i don't know. thankful na lang siguro ako na optimistic person ako, so, as much as possible, i'm as postive as i should be.
after that, hindi ko alam kung ano yung feeling na kailangan kong maramdaman. ang daming flashbacks, realizations, na dapat kasi.. yan kasi.. mga pagsisisi. ang sabi ko pa naman sasarili ko, this sem, magtatrabaho ako para naman kahit papano nababawasan yung gastusin. pero sa kasamaang palad, God has His own plan for me. i just have to trust His will. i should be tight with my faith.
...... ..... ... .
kanina, galing akong AMA Makati. another sadness. :( i was shocked as i was getting my grade slip. habang kino-confirm nung assigned teacher yung name ko, she slowly said, "Failed?" ... so ako, "po?" i didn't expect anything failure. kasi ang alam ko, at alam ko sa sarili ko na i don't deserve such failing grade. hindi ako bulakbol! hindi ako katulad ng karamihan na walang pakialam sa studies. I WAS NEVER LIKE THAT! kaya nagtataka ako.. where the hell in this world nya nacompute yung grade kong failed. naniniwala akong mapapakiusapan ko pa si Sir James. i trust God for His plans.. :)
pumunta si mama sa dati kong school (FEU-EAC), as she also hopes na mapapakiusapan yung 3 subjects ko. but unfortunately, wala daw si Sir Jof dun, whom referred by our dean in line with the subject descriptions.
my faith was shaked. i lost myself in a while. i almost die. :( ang hirap! ang hirap hirap! pero, alam mo yung feeling na may nararamdaman kang pag-asa. alam mo sa sarili mo na trials lang to, lilipas din. kailangan mo lang pagdaanan at pagtagumpayan.
God, kung ano man po ang plano nyo for allowing these things to happen, i lift it all to You. Ikaw na po ang bahala. alam kong wala namang pagsubok na hindi malalampasan di po ba? :) i know these things will help me to be stronger than ever. habang may buhay, may pag-asa. :)
one day, mababasa ko to ulit, at ngingiti ako dahil nalagpasan ko to. dahil naniniwala akong kaya ko! at hindi ako sumuko at susuko. :)